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Drew Magary on Beyoncé-Gate:

Wow, who would have guessed that a 21st-century pop star would rely on enhanced production values during a live performance? I’m STUNNED, I tell you. Why, I read our profile of her this month in GQ and I thought to myself, “Now there’s a lady who totally isn’t obsessed with being in complete control of how she presents herself! The only reason she has a videographer film her seventeen hours a day is because she’s so chill in front of a camera!”

Beyoncé almost certainly sang the song live AND synched it to backing tracks. This is a woman who spends every performance trying to upstage HER OWN voice. If you’re outraged that she lip synched, you’re probably someone who already dislikes her and thinks she’s a cheap phony. If you’re angrily defending your precious Bey against all the haters out there, you’re probably one of my colleagues at Gawker who look for any excuse to lionize her. But no one could possibly be genuinely upset that she didn’t do the thing au naturel. That’s like bitching about the retouching in an issue of Playboy. Don’t be so naive. Turns out she WASN’T horny while filming that “Crazy in Love” video! I feel so used.

Speaking the truth.

How convenient.  Dropping the princess act and the boyfriend that goes along with it.

I’m not going to spell it out or give any hints, but she’s going the exact route another costar has tried, and well it doesn’t take a genius to see it didn’t work out so great for that costar.  So why try something that’s failed?  Because the same PR people collaborated for both stars and apparently, doing something that’s  already failed is bound to have a successful outcome!

Well, no one has ever claimed anyone in Hollywood is actually smart, did they?

Selena, you’ve already seen first hand how hard this cross to bear will be.  Still wondering why you decided to commit to it. 

If and when she follows the same playbook as her “dear friend” (but real friends don’t let friends do stupid shit) expect to hear more about dating costars and how she’s “becoming more sophisticated.”  Meanwhile, there will be 2x the paparazzi photos (because losing your “kid image” in Hollywood equates to dropping the teen romances like a boyfriend with herpes), seen out and about with plenty of new boys (though they’re all just friends/hired hands used to create fodder for gossip), going in and out of clubs, getting some ink, and attempting to be on gossip rags and pitiful sites because it makes them feel like they’re hot news 24/7.

Staging this transition doesn’t end well.  Probably because they just can’t be as cool as Jennifer Lawrence (though it’s debatable if anyone could come close at all).  This kind of transformation comes with time, hard work, and taking on many new roles.  When it’s forced and connived, it just doesn’t work.  The evidence is already out there.  

As expected, I’m going to be laughing my ass off the entire time.  Stupidity does that for me.  My friends, we will be in no shortage of hilarious and despicable entertainment in the foreseeable future.

"I’m more powerful than my mind can even digest and understand."

She makes the announcement that Destiny’s Child is returning, she’s feeling that she’s “sacrificed” so much, and reveals that she’s better than the damn Super Bowl.  Only Sasha Fierce with an ego as big as the Empire State building could upset the Oscar announcement and pull off cool, conceited arrogance with grace.  There’s only some cringe worthy moments in her interview where you want to stand up and shout, “shut the fuck up.”  

What do you think of 2012’s hottest babe?

Not to sound rude, but [acting] is stupid. Everyone’s like, “How can you remain with a level head?” And I’m like, “Why would I ever get cocky? I’m not saving anybody’s life. There are doctors who save lives and firemen who run into burning buildings. I’m making movies. It’s stupid.”

This is why I fucking love Jennifer Lawrence.  This is why the world should fucking love Jennifer Lawrence.  Outspoken, intelligent, down-to-earth, and honest.  She doesn’t play into the games and she’s going places. 

And if you can’t tell, I’m salivating.  This girl is too good to be true.  Please don’t corrupt her Hollywood.  My heart can’t take it.

Who actually thought that these couples would stick it out in Hollywood?  Anyone?  A show of hands?

Right, no one.

Now we can all cackle (especially at Taylor Swift) and wonder when in the HELL are these albums coming out?

But I fully expect within a month that “miraculously” Selena and Justin will be loving goobers all over again.  Makes my heart jump with revulsion.  How much attention does Jelena need in one week?

In other news, the One Direction fan in me is breathing a sigh of relief.  Harry, here’s some advice: go find a real relationship.  The end.

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